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paranoia and anxiety are like shitty fuckin cousins
i guess they could be considered siblings for most folk, but for us it's very much. paranoia and anxiety feel Different.
with paranoia, there's a certainty. with anxiety, there isn't. it's a lot like--
when i'm having a paranoid episode it feels like there's eyes on the back of my neck. there's an object and subject. when i'm having an anxious epsiode it feels like i only know what the subject is. paranoia is, for me, "I know what is going to happen and I know why", and anxiety is "I know what I think is going to happen but I don't know why".
...granted they're really fuckin intertwined. it's just easier to beat off anxiety with a stick within this definition--if i don't know why i get the like.\
assumes it's in my models
looks inside
not there
and i've been able to build the tech of "if it is not in my models and i believe it's going to happen i am Experiencing An Anxiety". paranoia just always feels like there's a Reason I Know, or a Reason I Can Find If I Look Harder.
there's also the nuance sometimes of "i see it in my models and i am blowing it out of proportion, disregard"