From 1ea2e8ccad2819482613b4d47f253fa43076edd0 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: mayday Date: Tue, 21 Oct 2025 11:02:37 -0500 Subject: [PATCH 1/8] Add notes-21-oct-morning.md Signed-off-by: mayday --- notes-21-oct-morning.md | 30 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 30 insertions(+) create mode 100644 notes-21-oct-morning.md diff --git a/notes-21-oct-morning.md b/notes-21-oct-morning.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..057dbab --- /dev/null +++ b/notes-21-oct-morning.md @@ -0,0 +1,30 @@ +I'm just going to put a bunch of our loose thoughts to page right now cause I think that's a good idea + +Threat modeling relies on, well, models, which are usually inaccessible or corrupted during a psychotic and/or paranoid episode\ +Our workaround has historically been "find folk whose threat models we can wholesale tab as Trusted", this is not necessarily feasible for most\ +like it only really works when you have folk around you with similar threat models in general. or folk who know you well enough to model your models and help you with that.\ +guide to having that: fuck if i know how this happened with us. looking back and looking at the folk we've been curating that with, i think a big bit of it is that you have to start from compatible first principles and have similar-enough lived experience and general knowledge\ +like a cis woman would be a trusted source for misogyny but not transmisogyny if that makes sense?\ +it's really kind of just similar to surrounding yourself with a diverse group these days with the caveat that you need an average high mental stability + +the goal is to create the kind of relationships where you trust everyone else's models\ +issue is that trust is...weird and hard + +Our thoughts on trust are essentially that you've gotta make threat models of everyone around you and tab the ones that are not only least risk but highest like. Like. Would this creature fight for me. + +this-all runs into "how to model" in general which i'm not certain i have distilled down enough to have coherent thoughts on this morning + +The way our (Morgans) trustnet works is that we can't read our models with any kind of precision during an episode, but we can still read their metadata, so to speak\ +It's like a tagging system for _what_ you can trust given creatures for\ +cause also trust doesn't have to be all-covering, it just has to be absolute?\ +Yeah! I don't have to trust Luke to have a good model of when someone's in potential physical danger, but I trust him to have my best interests in mind, to recognize patterns of abuse, and to want to help, and I trust him on all three of those absolutely\ +The core of the concept of a trustnet links back into the whole 'know yourself and your enemy' thing. I know we're historically not the best at recognizing when we're just in a conversation to win, but we trust, like, Luke and Sophie to recognize those and say something about it. We know we have that weakness, so we can rely on others who've proven not to have it.\ +and by surrounding yourself with folk who are better at this aspect of modeling you get better at it yourself\ +Exactly!! _and crucially,_ if I recognize I am having an Episode, I have fallbacks + +thing is also like. just how a lot of things People call paranoia are reasonable concerns in Shitscape 2025\ +I've been called paranoid for using Signal instead of text messages\ +yeah lmao. a lot of basic opsec relies on a lack of global trust\ +and i _guess_ that a way to address paranoia is building global trust. but building specific trust will serve you better 99 times out of 100\ +There are Bad Actors out there, sorta thing?\ +yeah! global trust kind of. like I _get_ assuming the best of everyone as an idea is good but from an operational security standpoint doing that without a functioning threat modeling system with a quick response time will absolutely fuck you if you are in any way a vulnerable demographic in 2025 \ No newline at end of file From 2a96a79591f0903edce3bb3effa05091e22f3780 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: mayday Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2025 13:47:17 -0500 Subject: [PATCH 2/8] Add notes-1-nov-morning.md --- notes-1-nov-morning.md | 10 ++++++++++ 1 file changed, 10 insertions(+) create mode 100644 notes-1-nov-morning.md diff --git a/notes-1-nov-morning.md b/notes-1-nov-morning.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b942d8b --- /dev/null +++ b/notes-1-nov-morning.md @@ -0,0 +1,10 @@ +Hoookay + +So the thing, right, is that security culture has a real fucked relationship to paranoia\ +Bc a lot of things that could medically be called paranoia? They're literally just best practices.\ +I think the quick n dirty guide has to be "trust, but verify"\ +yea that checks. i also think basic best practices's good.\ +Signal, stfu, metadata?\ +shit like that yea + +I think we gotta talk about security best practices && how to recognize when paranoia's overriding \ No newline at end of file From b6197738a29dffe4ae8d8f86d740ded0df0b8414 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: mayday Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2025 13:53:52 -0500 Subject: [PATCH 3/8] Update notes-1-nov-morning.md --- notes-1-nov-morning.md | 4 +++- 1 file changed, 3 insertions(+), 1 deletion(-) diff --git a/notes-1-nov-morning.md b/notes-1-nov-morning.md index b942d8b..f12036b 100644 --- a/notes-1-nov-morning.md +++ b/notes-1-nov-morning.md @@ -7,4 +7,6 @@ yea that checks. i also think basic best practices's good.\ Signal, stfu, metadata?\ shit like that yea -I think we gotta talk about security best practices && how to recognize when paranoia's overriding \ No newline at end of file +I think we gotta talk about security best practices && how to recognize when paranoia's overriding\ +which requires talking about security best practices and what paranoia does to you\ +which. may not be fun lmao \ No newline at end of file From 95a96924e27f4ada332b3a7d715203dea247e5af Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: mayday Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2025 22:13:08 -0500 Subject: [PATCH 4/8] Add maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md --- maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md | 0 1 file changed, 0 insertions(+), 0 deletions(-) create mode 100644 maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md diff --git a/maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md b/maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e69de29 From 0fc0e058df6e44b906fc07376bf2073bcc2b0efd Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: mayday Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2025 22:13:23 -0500 Subject: [PATCH 5/8] Update maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-morning.md --- notes-1-nov-morning.md => maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-morning.md | 0 1 file changed, 0 insertions(+), 0 deletions(-) rename notes-1-nov-morning.md => maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-morning.md (100%) diff --git a/notes-1-nov-morning.md b/maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-morning.md similarity index 100% rename from notes-1-nov-morning.md rename to maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-morning.md From a82747c6552cdb9e0ac81614fd7c7f67b6c1ca15 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: mayday Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2025 22:13:45 -0500 Subject: [PATCH 6/8] Update maydayNotes/notes-21-oct-morning.md --- notes-21-oct-morning.md => maydayNotes/notes-21-oct-morning.md | 0 1 file changed, 0 insertions(+), 0 deletions(-) rename notes-21-oct-morning.md => maydayNotes/notes-21-oct-morning.md (100%) diff --git a/notes-21-oct-morning.md b/maydayNotes/notes-21-oct-morning.md similarity index 100% rename from notes-21-oct-morning.md rename to maydayNotes/notes-21-oct-morning.md From 07a497743fd870ef8b638ed7f00935cc68e27b2b Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: mayday Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2025 22:39:57 -0500 Subject: [PATCH 7/8] Update maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md --- maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md | 16 ++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 16 insertions(+) diff --git a/maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md b/maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md index e69de29..7784a3c 100644 --- a/maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md +++ b/maydayNotes/notes-1-nov-evening.md @@ -0,0 +1,16 @@ +fantastic that we remembered this project exists considering we're having a bit of a paranoid episode. no better time to make notes + +you've really gotta build an identifier system for when you're experiencing a paranoid episode and you've _really_ gotta both update and trust it\ +our subconscious systems registered earlier that we were making assumptions counter to our models, which really should have tipped us off\ +with that data, we just kind of addressed the one immediate problem. which dgmw. needed addressing. but should have flagged the Whole Thing for us + +it's not even really that we're less trustworthy in a paranoid episode--no nvm that's. correct. we can't access 90% of our models and often the remaining 10% we can't access with reliability. sometimes there are Known Facts that our models are counterindicating--the problem there is that's usually a sign that we've got a piece of data we haven't consciously registered and should trust our model to have more context. this absolutely harms our trustworthiness. + +safety valves are--i wouldn't even say "useful" i'd say "necessary". thinking your way out of a paranoid episode has a Poor Success Rate. we caught it way longer than we should have after "morrigan is unhappy with us," which is actually deffo something to think about for the Spotter's Guide. note for future us and whatnot.\ +safety valve we hit was realizing in the shower that not only were we over-dwelling on how something could possibly be Enemy Action, we had had two similar chains of thought earlier in the day. now we're just kind of lurking discord for the evening with no obligation to respond to anything and notifs off, curled up in bed typin this shit with our wife next to us. we've made a plan of action for if it gets worse, have an eye on it, and having the wife is soothing && low potential harm due to other safety valves we have in place. + +noticing that minimizing stimuli definitely helpful here, but we still need at least one to focus on or else it'll Getch Us. might be personal experience but still something to think about. + +identifying episode triggers is something we definitely need a better schema for. picking your brain on that, mori, could be real helpful. we're used to just riding the shit out and trying to rebuild to better support doing that, y'know? \ +talkin this out is helping. even though it's not direct to you or whatever. still really, really helps to Say It. 90% we couldn't say it direct right now anyways. \ +that number's off, i think. just--it'd be harder, i guess. \ No newline at end of file From 52ad55458019df7c43cd9183babf76f8a55cbcd1 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: mayday Date: Tue, 4 Nov 2025 11:37:26 -0600 Subject: [PATCH 8/8] Add maydayNotes/notes-4-nov-morning.md --- maydayNotes/notes-4-nov-morning.md | 14 ++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 14 insertions(+) create mode 100644 maydayNotes/notes-4-nov-morning.md diff --git a/maydayNotes/notes-4-nov-morning.md b/maydayNotes/notes-4-nov-morning.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..2fc38eb --- /dev/null +++ b/maydayNotes/notes-4-nov-morning.md @@ -0,0 +1,14 @@ +paranoia and anxiety are like shitty fuckin cousins + +i guess they could be considered siblings for most folk, but for us it's very much. paranoia and anxiety feel Different.\ +with paranoia, there's a certainty. with anxiety, there isn't. it's a lot like-- + +when i'm having a paranoid episode it feels like there's eyes on the back of my neck. there's an object and subject. when i'm having an anxious epsiode it feels like i only know what the _subject_ is. paranoia is, for me, "I know what is going to happen and I know why", and anxiety is "I know what I think is going to happen but I don't know why". + +...granted they're really fuckin intertwined. it's just easier to beat off anxiety with a stick within this definition--if i don't know why i get the like.\ +>assumes it's in my models\ +>looks inside\ +>not there\ +and i've been able to build the tech of "if it is not in my models and i believe it's going to happen i am Experiencing An Anxiety". paranoia just always feels like there's a Reason I Know, or a Reason I Can Find If I Look Harder. + +there's also the nuance sometimes of "i see it in my models and i am blowing it out of proportion, disregard" \ No newline at end of file